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Forbidden Love
1 year ago  ::  Dec 08, 2011 - 8:59PM #41
Tyrocks2011
Posts: 334

Woohoo they get to talk again, I hate to see two women heart broken :). I can kinda understand how Haley and Jess feel and even Shaundi with her relationship problem with someone forcing them to stop, it happened to me and my ex girlfriend, her parents hated me for god knows why I assume because I have long hair and a couple tattoos that they didnt want their daughter with me or maybe it was cause my sharp tounge got the best of me with them but anyway they tried to force us to stop but we didnt until she moved for college. Anyway enough of my memory lane great chapter I'm happy that a$$hole Ty, disgrace to my name, finally was told to f off by Jess and Shaundi since he is such a d0uche bag and if he was a real person he'd be such a c0ck block if he was a friend. I hope Jess remembers that Shaundi just overheard that conversation and hopefully wont rat her out cause that would probably be very, very bad for Jess and Haley. Oh and I like how Shaundi brought up Jess's past and explained that Boss is over protective of her, it explains a lot, sorry for making this so long but this story is really good.

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A wise man once told me, if you're gonna have an origin to a story, best make it multiple choice XD.

You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!
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1 year ago  ::  Dec 09, 2011 - 6:39AM #42
Destroyer4292
Posts: 1,040

Aww, sorry to hear that man, oh and sorry for using your name in vain, I forgot your name was also Ty.  Back to the story, Shaundi and Jess have like a big sister/little sister relationship so Shaundi wouldn't say anything about Jess speaking to Haley again.  I'll have another chapter up soon.  My throat is bothering me right now.  I'm in a death metal band and we had a gig last night.  Glad you like the story so far, and constructive criticism is welcome in my book.


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"Always follow your dreams kids, because if you don't, you'll become your parents.  How f*cking depressing is that?"
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1 year ago  ::  Dec 09, 2011 - 9:03PM #43
Tyrocks2011
Posts: 334

I was just bustin on you with the name thing it dont bother me, I kinda figured that Shaundi and Jess were like that but I didnt know if her relationship with the boss was something where she would tell him. Nice on the death metal band thing your throat has to hurt so bad after a gig, as for constructive criticism I suck at it, I either come off as a a$$hole or sarcastic so I leave it to the others for that. Oh and saw your concept art for your character, pretty cool I wish I could draw so I could do the same but itd just not one of my talents

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A wise man once told me, if you're gonna have an origin to a story, best make it multiple choice XD.

You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!
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1 year ago  ::  Dec 09, 2011 - 9:50PM #44
Destroyer4292
Posts: 1,040

Well, I will say my skill in drawing is sub-par IMO.  I'm a big fan of anime/manga and decided to learn how to draw in that style back in the 6th grade.  I've gotten better over the years though.  As for my band, Burnt Offerings, we only do covers and the last song we played that night was "Nemesis" by Arch Enemy, but enough about that, I should have another chapter up shortly.


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"Always follow your dreams kids, because if you don't, you'll become your parents.  How f*cking depressing is that?"
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1 year ago  ::  Dec 09, 2011 - 10:09PM #45
Amaris
Posts: 1,191

*applause* And they say that immitation is the highest form of flattery, I must agree, because that dream sequence with her parents was beautiful. :p Very good work, and I like how you incorperated both Shaundi's and Jessica's pasts into one convo. :p Can't wait for more! :D 

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Check out Shaundi's Side in the Steelport Stories section, you'll love it!
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1 year ago  ::  Dec 10, 2011 - 7:25AM #46
Destroyer4292
Posts: 1,040

*bows* Thank you.


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"Always follow your dreams kids, because if you don't, you'll become your parents.  How f*cking depressing is that?"
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1 year ago  ::  Dec 10, 2011 - 2:38PM #47
Destroyer4292
Posts: 1,040

Chapter's done:




CHAPTER 17


 


-THE NEXT DAY-


Haley stood in the bathroom mirror grimacing at the new scars that blemished her back.  They glared back at her as a constant reminder of her undying hatred towards the Syndicate.  “You’ll pay for this, Boris.”  She growled under her breath.  Today was finally the day she was free to go from the hospital.  A knock on the door alarmed her as she covered her exposed body with her hands.  Swiftly she rushed back over to her bed and covered herself in the light blue hospital gown, thinking it was a nurse.  “Come in.”  The door opened to reveal not a nurse, but Gat holding a brown paper sack.  “Brought you some clothes.”  He said as he handed Haley the sack.  “Aww, thanks.”  Said Haley back.  Out of the sack she pulled a dark red camisole, a pair of black skinny jeans, and her favorite footwear, her black and white high tops.  “You didn’t have to do that, you know?”  “Yeah.”  Said Gat.  “But as much as you’ve done for me, I figured I could return the favor.  So you still up for seeing Jessica again?”  “Definitely.”  Haley answered.  “I’m a little afraid though.”  “Bout what?”  Gat Inquired.  “Sh*t, boss won’t be able to find out.  I guess you already called her last night.”  “It has nothing to do with him.”  Said Haley.  “I mean I hope mine and Jessica’s meeting don’t go sour like ours did.  It’s bad enough with both the Saints and the Syndicate wanting me dead.”  “Don’t worry about them.”  Replied Gat.  “I’ll take care of them for you.  Jess has been through a lot of sh*t, and this would be just the thing to help her get back on her feet.”


“You’re going with us, aren’t you?”  Asked Haley.  Gat responded, “I’ll stay out of y’alls way.  You know, let you two catch up and whatever.  Anyhow, when you gonna tell her about this?”  Haley looked at Gat confused and said, “I thought you were going to tell her.”  Gat stared back at her bewildered.  “Never mind.”  Haley sighed in frustration while reaching for her cellphone.


Halfway on the other side of town, Jessica sat once again at her usual spot, in the living room on the plush purple sofa.  Boss was telling Pierce and Oleg about how Zimos auctioned him off as a sex slave and how he took down the Morning Star’s human trafficking hub.  The entire penthouse echoed with laughter, but Jessica was more annoyed than amused.  He was just going to sit there and ignore Jessica’s feelings.  He could care less if Haley was alive or dead.  To him, Haley was nothing more than Loren’s hired gun.  As Jessica sat and listened to the boss ramble on about having to fight off Morning Star thugs while he was running around in the nude, her cellphone vibrated underneath the pocket of her Saints hoodie.  She looked at the contact name and quickly darted back to her room, putting the boss up to suspicion.  “Hi baby.”  She said as she closed her bedroom door behind her.  “Thank God, it’s good to hear you again.”  Said Haley on the other end.  “What’ve you been up to lately?”  “Nothing much.”  Replied Jessica, “You?”  “Same.”  Said Haley.  “This long distance stuff is really taking its toll on me.  I wish I could see your face again instead of just hearing your voice.”  “I feel the same way, Haley.”  Jessica sighed.  Haley then responded, “Which is why I want you to come see me.”  Jessica was taken aback, she didn’t know whether to agree or to disagree with Haley, “You mean…right now?”  “Not exactly now.”  Said Haley insecurely.  “I still have to think of a place for us to meet.”  “How about at your house?”  Said Jessica.  Haley returned, “Yeah but I was thinking somewhere nicer.  Does the park sound good?”


Jessica was about to answer until the boss barged into her room unannounced, “Who are you talking to?”  “No one.”  Said Jessica timidly.  A harsh expression on his face, the boss ripped the phone away from Jessica’s hand and spat into it, “I told you once you little bitch, I don’t want you seeing Jessica ever again.”  Angered, Haley countered, “Did I say I wanted to talk to you, Boss?  Yeah that’s real nice no one can call you by your real name.  Loren used to do the same damn thing.  We had to call him Mr. Loren, otherwise that son of a bitch would slit our throats.  By the way, thanks for killing that a$$hole and saving me the trouble of having to do it myself.”  The boss continued attacking Haley, “Call this number again and I’ll see to it you end up just like him.  I’m not just gonna stop at your d*ckhead leader.  I’m coming after each and every one of you for what you did to Johnny.  Pray that I don’t find out where you live.”  “You think I’m afraid of you?”  Haley smarted back.  “Please, you think you’re such a badass, but your arrogance will soon get the best of you, much like it did Loren.  You’re so obsessed with your legacy that you don’t see the harm you cause to others.  Now put me back on with Jessica.”  The boss smirked, “On second thought, how about I do this?” and hung up.  Throwing the phone back to Jessica, his fierce eyes locked with her frightened eyes.  He pointed a finger at her and ordered, “Erase her number.”  “You don’t control me.”  Jessica shouted.  “I’m not that girl you saved from the Brotherhood anymore.  I’m stronger now.”  Enraged, the boss raised his hand ready to strike Jessica, but his anger was quelled by the voice of Shaundi, “She’s right, Boss.”  “Let me guess, Shaundi.  You’re in on this too.”  Said the boss.  “Is the whole f*cking world against me at this point?”


Shaundi stared down the boss and continued, “I know you’re only doing what’s best for Jessica, but don’t you think you’re going a little too far?  Ever since Johnny died, you’ve been hell-bent on punishing those responsible.  Jesus boss, you’re getting to be a real d*ck at this point.  You’re being too harsh on someone who hasn’t even done anything to you.”  The boss looked back at Shaundi, rage building in his eyes, and barked, “I’m the leader of this gang.  What I say goes, and I’ll be damned if I let any of my Saints get mixed up with those f*ckers.  They took Gat away and they’ll pay with their lives.  Oh and you think I’m being too harsh now, then get this.  Starting now, any Saint who sees that bitch on the street are to kill her on sight.  You’ll see what happens when you f*ck with me.”  The boss stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind him.  Gasping, Jessica covered her mouth with both her hands and stood there in shock.  She was finding it difficult to breathe.  Did the boss really just call a hit on Haley?  No, this couldn’t be happening.  It was as though the boss was out to ruin Jessica’s life.  Shaundi was quick to comfort Jessica by helping her sit down on her bed.  Quietly Jessica uttered, “He means that, doesn’t he?”  Shaundi felt the same way as Jessica.  What the f*ck was the boss thinking?  This just showed how fanatical he had become with retribution.  That he would go so far as to kill someone’s lover bothered Shaundi.  She had seen this brutality before with the boss, but he focused merely on one person, not the entire gang.  As she sat beside Jessica on the bed, Shaundi whispered, “Don’t worry.  I’ll talk him out of this.  He won’t do anything this bad as long as I’m around.”


“You’d do that for me, Shaundi?”  Jessica whimpered.  Shaundi hugged Jessica and replied, “Of course.  You’re like a sister to me, and I don’t want to see you broken up like this again.  I think it’s time you did see Haley again.  You two have been apart for so long and I know it’s tearing you up inside.  Let me handle the boss.”  “Thanks Shaundi.”  Said Jessica.  “You’re a life saver.”  As Jessica let go of Shaundi, she called Haley back, “Haley, sorry about earlier.”  “It’s okay, girl.”  Haley returned.  “So, I guess I’ll see you at the park tomorrow?”  “Sure.”  Said Jessica.  “I’ll see you then baby, bye.”  Jessica was once again filled with happiness.  Tomorrow, she would be reunited with Haley, even if it was to Boss’ dismay.    

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"Always follow your dreams kids, because if you don't, you'll become your parents.  How f*cking depressing is that?"
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1 year ago  ::  Dec 10, 2011 - 4:21PM #48
Amaris
Posts: 1,191

Boss is such a ****! I hope Shaundi is able to talk him out of it. :/ 

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Check out Shaundi's Side in the Steelport Stories section, you'll love it!
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1 year ago  ::  Dec 10, 2011 - 4:44PM #49
csa2883
Posts: 4

Great story keep it up

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1 year ago  ::  Dec 10, 2011 - 4:45PM #50
Destroyer4292
Posts: 1,040

Oh, thank you.  I'm glad you like it.

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"Always follow your dreams kids, because if you don't, you'll become your parents.  How f*cking depressing is that?"
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