I must admit, I was a bit inspired by Amaris' Shaundi story, and so I've decided to pen my own little story about a certain reporter and her take on the events of Saints Row 2. I'm one of the seemingly few fans of Jane Valderama, and there doesn't seem to be a whole lot of information on her. In fact if you google her, few pictures pop up... and that's with safe search off O_o So, I will be taking some creative liberties here and there, hopefully you will all enjoy it!
Jane Valderama was snapped out of a deep slumber by the sound of her bedside alarm. It was 5:30 AM, and she wanted nothing more than to lay her head back down and fall asleep. But if she did not wake up, who else would report on the important events going on in Stilwater? Who else would inform the masses and keep that asshole Zach Johnson off the air? The answer to all of these... was nobody. And with that thought, Jane snapped into action. After hitting the shower, Jane donned her iconic outfit and made a small breakfast. She gulped down a fresh cup of coffee and walked out to her new Channel 6 Anchor. Early morning traffic was light and Jane made excellent time. As she pulled off of the freeway and into the Channel 6 News parking lot, she felt eager and ready to tackle the day's news.
Jane had lived in Stilwater for years. Her parents immigrated when she was young, and Jane was forced to integrate with a new and unfamiliar society. As a method of coping with the harsh changes, she resorted to using colourful descriptions and wrote down each of the day's big events. At dinner time she would share her day with her parents. When she entered High School, all of her friends and family, and a fair amount of teachers as well, recommended that she pursue Journalism. Taking their advice, Jane easily made the school journalism team, and began her first steps into the field. After high school Jane decided to continue her education by attending Stilwater University. Here she set herself apart from other journalism students who frequently slacked off and spent their time smoking, drinking, or partying with a popular girl named Shaundi. Unlike her peers, Jane devoted herself to her work, becoming well known for going any length to get the "scoop".
It was a calm morning inside the headquarters as Jane made her way to her office. In addition to reporting on scene, Jane also covered the morning news and was in charge of keeping her colleagues on time with Channel 6's website updates. Jane scooped up her script for the morning and began reading over the morning's events as she walked down to the studio for the morning broadcast. One of Jane's colleagues approached her as she was walking.
"Jane! Did you hear? Gat's trial is *today* can you cover it?" he asked. Jane gave the man an annoyed look.
"Jacob, we've been gearing up for that trial for weeks now, of course I can make it." she replied.
"Whew! Good, I was worried for a second, since you're pretty well booked today. You're a life saver Jane!" Jacob said back to her before running upstairs.
Jane dusted herself off and took a seat behind the news desk. She glanced over the script once more before smiling for the camera and beginning her report. Jane covered all of the large issues such as rogue Septic Avengers, and reminded people to tune in later for her coverage of Gat's trial. Jane handed things off to the weather man before giving her closing statements. "On behalf of Channel 6 News, I'm Jane Valderama, signing off."
After a quick stop in the break room for some water, Jane was on the road to the Stilwater Courthouse. Competing news stations had arrived and were trying to block Jane from getting a good spot. Rival news anchor Edward had taken a position on the steps, a position that she had made clear she wanted. As she got out of her Anchor van, Jane signalled her cameraman to follow. She marched up the steps to Edward and cleared her throat.
"Edward, I believe I made it quite clear that this is my spot." she said.
"Pfft, you snooze, you lose Jane." Edward retorted.
"Ah, well then I don't suppose you'll mind if I make like the early bird and post that footage of you leaving Cocks the other night..." Jane replied smugly.
"Dammit, you bitch! Fine, take your damn spot." Edward said quickly before waving his own cameraman off.
"Thanks so much Edward!" Jane shouted after him, trying hard to hide a smile. She took up her spot and microphone, then cleared her throat once more and let her cameraman know it was time to begin filming.
"It's said by some, to be the trial of the century. A notorious member of a gang once known as "The 3rd Street Saints", Johnny Gat was arrested last year in an assassination against then decorated police officer Troy Bradshaw. In the resulting trial, Gat was convicted of one count of attempted murder, and a staggering three hundred eighty seven counts of 1st degree murder... promptly sending him to death row. Over the past year Gat's legal team has filed appeal after appeal-" Jane was cut off as her microphone went dead. "Dammit Jeff, my mic just went quiet as a mime in a Venecian city..." Jeff, her cameraman, quickly pulled out the spare mic and handed it to Jane. She cleared her throat to test the mic and picked up her report.
"In a few short moments we'll be allowed back in the courtroom and we'll find out once and for all if Mr. Gat will go home a happy man, or a dead one. Back to you Jack." Jane wrapped up her broadcast and stood with Jeff outside the doors to the courtroom. Security opened the doors and began leading the reporters in. Jane was first in line and was allowed into the room right away. As she made her way up the stairs, she noticed a red haired man with a thin moustache push his way into the building. He seemed somewhat familiar to her, perhaps it was the hair? Jane pushed aside the thought, keeping her mind on the task at hand. She and Jeff took up positions along the wall of the courtroom, and Jeff began filming as Gat and the Judge bickered back and forth. Jane tried to surpress a laugh when Gat mentioned shoving the Judge's gavel up her ass. However, things became very serious, very fast.
A series of gunshots were heard outside the room. A police officer inside the courtroom went to the door, gun drawn, to see what was going on. As soon as he reached the door, it came crashing down on top of him. The man Jane had seen earlier stepped into the room and pointed a handgun at a second officer.
"Drop it." He said calmly in a British accent. The officer complied, but his handgun discharged, sending a bullet flying around the room. Everyone ducked, but Jane hissed at Jeff "Keep rolling!"
"Shit! 'bout time your burnt ass woke up!" Johnny said to the man. "You ok Johnny?" he replied. Could it be? Could this be the notorious member of the Saints who was blown up a few years back? Jane was not going to miss this opportunity. The man and Gat had taken the opportunity to escape, and by the sound of gunfire down the hall, the officers weren't letting them go easily. "Jeff, follow me!" Jane shouted as she sprinted for the doorway. She and her cameraman shadowed the two Saints as they made their escape. As they cleared the stairs and raced out the doors, Jane heard the sound of an engine revving. The two watched as Gat and his rescuer made off in a police Five-O.
There you have it, viewers. Johnny Gat goes home a happy and free man." Jane spoke into her mic while facing the camera, the police car speeding off behind them.
It was a slow morning, a few days after Gat's escape, when Jane walked into the office. She was pleased to learn that Channel 6's ratings had skyrocketed thanks to her excellent coverage of the events. Surprisingly, there were few big ticket items to report on, Jane had expected a slew of death and destruction following Gat's escape. But it seemed as though the Saints were planning their next move. Rumors had surfaced that they had recruited three new lieutenants moved into the old mission building in the Red Light district. Since she had a light schedule, Jane decided to make ashort trip out to the Suburbs to see if she couldn't follow the Saints' trail.
Jane got into her trusty Anchor and began driving towards the Suburbs. As she drove, she became increasingly aware of the number of Ronin walking the streets. It seemed that the Saints were going to have quite a bit of competition if they wanted to reclaim their old turf. Jane had heard of a few scuffles between the Ronin and Samedi, and she'd covered some stories on the Brotherhood edging into the two's turf as well. With the Saints making a come back, things were going to get rough she thought to herself. Jane pulled over next to a rather unremarkable house. Outside sat a Hammerhead car. Jane had heard that during his recruitment run, the leader of the 3rd Street Saints had taken a female stunt jumping in a car that matched the description of the one in front of Jane now. She stepped out of her van and walked over to the car. There was definitely some dirt in the tires, and the car was caked in mud found only in the Trailer Park district. Jane was about to make a closer inspection of the vehicle when a pair of Ronin nearby began walking in her direction. Jane took a quick look around, swallowing nervously as the painful realization hit her that she was all alone. She began making her way back to the van when the two Ronin split up. One circled around her, the other leaned against her van.
"Well, what's a pretty woman like yourself doing out all alone?" the Ronin leaning against the car asked smartly. The second began laughing.
"Do you know who I am?" Jane asked, putting on a brave face. She was not going to be intimidated by these two gang bangers. They simply laughed and began closing the distance on her. Jane knew she didn't have much time before the man behind her would be too close for her to do anything. She still had the element of surprise. Jane pulled out her van keys and quickly brought them up into the first Ronin's face. He was caught completely off guard, and Jane was able to push him aside and sprint to her van. As the first fell, the second began running after her. Jane pulled open her door, and slammed it against her second attacker, knocking him flat on his back. It was all the time she needed, Jane was in the van and speeding off before the two goons had gotten off the ground.
Jane didn't know where she was going at first, she was somewhat shaken. In all of her years reporting, nobody had actually tried to attack her before. Sure, there was the occassional drunk throwing bottles or trash, or the criminals resisting arrest, but none of that had been directed at her. Jane knew that she wasn't going to be able to go back into the field without some sort of protection, not with things heating up between the gangs. It was time to head down to Friendly Fire and purchase a little peace of mind.
She pulled into the parking lot and walked inside. The store owner greeted Jane and began trying to sell her a number of weapons. "We've got a nice selection of pistols, small ones you can fit in a purse too!" he said. Jane considered it, but instead replied "Those are nice, but I'm looking for something with some "oomf", something that will drop a man as fast as a space shuttle attempting reentry."
"Ahh!" The man said, surprised. "Might I direct you over to our fine selection of shotguns? I recommend the Tombstone, true to its name, this baby will put a man in the ground with one shot. Maybe two if he's a real brute." He handed Jane the weapon. She'd done many stories on guns, and Jane was no novice when it came to heavy firepower. But she hadn't ever needed a gun herself until now. She shouldered the shotgun and looked it over, pumping it and testing its weight. Satisfied, she looked at the store owner. "I'll take two, and a pair of Vice-9's as well." she said.
As Jane left the store with her new arsenal, she noticed with satisfaction that everyone who spotted her took a few steps back or turned the other direction. She was quite a sight after all. Two shotguns strapped to her back, a pair of handguns tucked into her jacket pockets, and carrying enough ammunition cans to make even a seasoned veteran think twice. Jane loaded her cargo into the van and stepped back. "Hmm... what you need is a turret, my friend." she said to herself. A man walked up to her as she pondered her van's armored future.
"Hey baby, you lookin' for a good time?" he asked. In all of about two seconds, Jane had twisted around, and leveled her new hardware on the man's face. "Unless you want to be tonight's headline, I suggest you step back... sir." Jane replied. The man was in shock and let out a "manly" scream before turning around and running. A smile crept onto Janes face. Valderama had some bite now, she thought to herself.